


After Words

by Mira



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-04
Updated: 2010-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-05 19:16:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mira/pseuds/Mira





	After Words

**After Words**

  
"Aqua Neon"  
by Ange Mlinko

You shouldn't live your life in  
anticipation of so much

'cause now nothing can fill you

which can be found in the  
modern supermarket

where sensation as food is also found.

Endless stairwells leading to ter-  
minals leading to planes

distracting the sky to itself with  
skylights athwart hills

meeting one gaze straying  
nowhere if no bag falls

to burst with free clothes in the  
streets where the avid

giftwrap of a crowd's swept away  
by police.

This is expectation, stupid.

And on the seashelly stretch  
your bare feet gingerly cut  
peach flesh

find no relief, either from run-  
ning or stopping

after you said we can sleep on  
the beach

if we drink all night and drive in  
the morning.

* * *

"You shouldn't sleep on the beach," Elijah told Dom, who stretched and rolled onto his stomach.

"Comfy," he said.

"Yeah, but," Elijah said, and poked at him with his toes. He was sitting up, leaning back on his hands while watching the waves roll in and settle down, hissing on the sand.

"Mm," Dom said, and rested his head on his folded arms.

Elijah watched the water rise and fall, and watched Dom's back rise and fall with his breathing. He poked him again; quick as a cormorant, Dom grabbed his toes and gently shook. Elijah squeaked.

"Watch it, boy," Dom growled, peeking up at him from under his lashes.

"You're tugging my toes."

Dom squeezed them again, then drew Elijah's foot to his mouth and blew at it, brushing off the grains of sand. Elijah giggled and struggled, but not too hard. Still watching Elijah closely, Dom kissed the foot in his hand.

Elijah smiled.

Dom put his head back down on his arm and closed his eyes. Elijah sighed and watched.

A shadow fell over Elijah and he looked up; Sean stood behind him, smiling down. He handed Elijah a bottle of water. "Drink up. Don't get dehydrated." Elijah obeyed, swallowing nearly half the bottle before tapping Dom's forehead with it.

"You, too," Elijah said.

Dom finished off the water, and carefully returned the empty bottle to Elijah, then reached out and grabbed the hem of Sean's shorts and tugged. "Fuck!" Sean cried out, grabbing the waistband, but Dom had been quicker and the beach was treated to the momentary sight of frontal nudity. "Goddammit," Sean said, squatting down to adjust himself. Then he seized Dom around the waist and, with a great heave and groan, lifted him up and dragged him toward their car.

"Oi," Billy called, "What you doin'?"

Dom draped himself around Sean, making no effort to escape. "Got tired and hitched a ride," he said. Elijah scrambled to gather their towels and bottles and trash, following Sean as he staggered up the beach. "He couldn't carry it," Dom said, jerking a thumb at Elijah, "so he's carrying me."

"Asshole," Sean muttered; he had turned bright red, but struggled on.

"You're all daft," Billy said, standing with his hands on his hips.

"You could help, you know," Elijah said as he went back for another dropped item.

"Why? More fun watching."

"You're an asshole, too," Elijah told him firmly. He dropped everything, spread out one of the towels, piled everything onto it and then rolled it up like a hobo's bag.

"Tell me a story," Dom asked Sean, who started to laugh and dropped Dom.

"Come get your boyfriend," Sean told Billy, who looked around him.

"Orlando's here?"

"Oh, not even in your dreams," Dom said. He stretched out again, looking comfortable and relaxed.

Elijah stood over him. "Help me, Sblomie, 'kay?"

"Oh, God, don't point those eyes at me," Dom begged, rolling onto his stomach, but he rose and took some of the trash, trundling it to a bin on the edge of the parking lot.

When they were finally in Billy's car, which stank of spilt beer and wetsuits, Dom stretched out in the back seat, resting his head in Elijah's lap. At each corner, Sean told Billy where to turn, and each time Billy told him to fuck off.

"They sound like an old married couple," Elijah said, and Dom nodded sleepily.

"They're sweet," he said.

Elijah dropped his hand onto Dom's forehead, stroking his hand into Dom's sticky hair, and lightly scratching at his scalp. Dom sighed heavily and closed his eyes. Elijah watched him all the way home.

"Come on," he urged after Billy had parked the car. Sean opened the back door and gently shook Dom.

"Wake up," he said gently. "Just long enough to shower."

"Don' wanna," Dom murmured, but Sean shook him again. Elijah lifted Dom's shoulders and Sean put his arms under and around Dom and began to pull. "All right, all right," Dom said, waking up. Elijah smiled at him when he finally opened his eyes. "Hi, Monkey."

"Hi, Sblomie."

"Come on," Sean said, "or I'll drag you out."

"Be careful with my boy," Billy warned, smacking Sean on the ass. Elijah giggled at the cross look Sean gave Billy, who rubbed Sean's ass apologetically. "I'm starved. Callin' out for pizza in a bit."

"Oh, God, no," Sean begged, straightening up to help Dom clamber from the car, right over Elijah.

"Yeah," Elijah concurred, climbing out after Dom. "New Zealand pizza is weird. Let's get that teriyaki chicken."

"What's weird about New Zealand pizza?" Dom wondered as they made their slow way across the lawn into Billy's house.

"Turkey and cranberries?" Sean said, wrinkling his nose.

"It's not supposed to be a meal on a slice of pizza dough," Elijah tried to explain, but Billy had the door open.

"Let Dom shower first," Billy said, putting his hand on Sean's chest. "Dom?"

"I can wait."

"No, you can't. Go."

Dom shook his head. Elijah had been rummaging through the fridge and returned with an armload of chilled bottles of water and beer. "Keep hydrated," he said, passing them around. "Shower, Dom," Elijah added, taking him by the arm. "Who wants to help?"

"Hell," Sean said, and glugged down half a bottle of water. "Let's share the load. Come on, Dominic, before you fall asleep on your feet."

They half-carried him down the hall and into the bathroom, a nice big one and one of the many reasons they had selected this place to rent. "Oh, I like this," Dom murmured, and it was clear to the others that he did, indeed, enjoy this.

"The object of our attentions," Sean said, and Elijah giggled.

Once inside the bathroom, Billy flipped the toilet seat down and Elijah spread a towel over it, then Sean lowered Dom onto it. "No, get his shorts off first," Elijah said.

"Raise your hips," Sean told him, but Dom just smiled, so Sean tugged him up again and Billy peeled off his damp and sandy shorts. "Mmm," Elijah said approvingly, watching closely.

"Get the water running, Lij," Sean said.

"Up, lovey," Billy said, and Dom sighed. His lashes fluttered against his cheeks.

"Up, down; can't you boys make up your mind? Minds?"

"You weren't complaining earlier," Sean said.

"In the shower, Dom. Wash all that sand off you. Itches, yeah," Elijah said, and all three men guided him into the shower. "You, too, Billy."

"Yeah, Billy," Dom agreed, swaying in their slick grasp. Billy shucked his own trunks quickly and climbed in, holding Dom while the warm water streamed over them. Dom rested his head against Billy's shoulder.

Elijah leaned against Sean, who slid his arm around his waist. "They look good, don't they, Seanie."

"The best. Our angels." They stood watching, until Billy looked pointedly at the floor, now thoroughly drenched. "Oops," Sean said, and dropped a towel in front of the shower.

"For God's sake," Billy said shortly. "Get in here with me and help. Lazy buggers."

Sean looked at Elijah, who was already pulling off his tee shirt and shorts. He stripped, too, and they both got in. "Too crowded," Elijah said, trying not to elbow Dom, but he admitted to himself that it felt wonderful, rubbing against all this warm and glowing skin. Elijah plastered himself against Sean; he could feel Sean's erection growing against his thigh.

"This is a good day," Dom said sleepily, draped between Billy and Sean.

"We shouldn't have let him sleep on the beach," Sean said, and Elijah poked him.

"You've said that, like, fifty zillion times. How you gonna stop him? You get pretty sleepy after a good fuck yourself."

Sean turned red, but didn't deny it. How could he? All three men had seen him dozy and sedated after an orgasm. Elijah flattened his hand against Sean's ass, and then slid his wet fingers between Sean's round cheeks. "I could snap those fingers off," Sean teased, clenching his ass. Elijah giggled again and Sean relaxed.

"No shower sex," Billy admonished them. "Help me with young Dom."

"He's had his turn," Sean said, but he wasn't really complaining. The three of them washed Dom tenderly, and then each other.

"Feels good," Dom murmured as they dried him off. "Feels bloody brilliant," he said as they tucked him into bed, Billy sliding in behind him.

"Shh," Billy said, kissing his neck.

Elijah climbed in next, wrapping his arms around Dom's shoulders. "You feel bloody brilliant yourself," he said, kissing Dom's mouth. Dom woke up a bit and kissed him back.

Sean got into bed behind Elijah, meeting Dom's eyes as he did. "Hey, you," he said, and rested his arm across Elijah so he could touch Dom's muscular shoulder, tracing the Elvish tattoo. "Thought you were sleepy?"

"Am," Dom said between kissing Elijah. "Love you, though; love this."

Elijah agreed; he loved this, too, and he loved these men.

Billy put his hand over Sean's where he grasped Dom's shoulder. "Sleep now," he said. "Sex later."

"No sex now?" Elijah asked, tilting his head so he could see Billy. "But --"

"Ignore the man behind the curtain," Dom said, turning Elijah to face him again. "Pay attention to the man in your bed."

"You're all in my bed," Elijah said, but began kissing Dom again. Behind him, Sean's hips started to move, his erection swelling insistently against Elijah's ass.

"I wanna fuck you," Sean whispered to Elijah, who felt his eyes roll back, and he shuddered in anticipation.

"God, yeah, please." Then Dom slid his hands under the sheet and did something wonderful, and Elijah could only beg.

"I can't believe I can do this," Sean whispered to Elijah.

"Please, Sean, dammit."

Elijah groaned in pleasure when he saw Billy hand Sean a sachet of lube, already popped open; Sean raised himself up high enough to lean over Elijah and Dom to kiss Billy in gratitude. Elijah wiggled his ass in Sean's lap, drawing back Sean's attention. Then Sean rolled Elijah onto his stomach. He lay there with his head on his arms, watching Dom, who'd woken enough to kiss Elijah's ears and the back of his neck. Billy splayed over Dom, touching Sean's face. "You look so intent," he whispered.

"On your knees, sweetie," Sean said to Elijah, who obediently rose. Dom lay on his back and slid under him, and Billy scooted to the head of the bed so he could more easily kiss Elijah's mouth and face. Elijah's hips started to move again as Dom drew him into his mouth and began blowing him even as Sean slowly worked his way into Elijah's ass.

"God, fuck, oh God," Elijah said in between Billy's kisses. He tried to focus on all of them. Each time this happened, Elijah tried to hang on to himself, but it felt like nothing he'd ever experienced before, to have three much-loved people touching and kissing and sucking and fucking him all at the same time. Elijah trembled and sweated in their midst, all his words gone to breathless gasps and moans. He shuddered so hard he thought he might fly to pieces, torn to shreds by his lovers. "Yes, yes," Elijah whispered to them; "yes, oh, yes."

When they'd finally untangled themselves and settled into the too-small bed, Elijah was as sleepy as Sean, who was as sleepy as Dom. "Billy," Sean said; Elijah stirred, his sense of fair play offended on Billy's behalf.

"Oh, in a bit," Billy said, his voice stretched with lassitude. "Got Dommie earlier, y'know. Sex on the beach isn't just a crappy drink. And maybe I'll do you later."

"I want Lij again," Dom said, but Elijah was too sleepy to giggle.

"Go to sleep, all of you," Billy said, patting Sean's curly hair, who smiled sleepily at Billy and sighed.

When would they meet again like this? Elijah wondered. How could he give this up, yet how could they continue afterwards?

"Sleep, Elijah," Billy said more firmly, and he nodded, feeling himself blush. He closed his eyes, and remembered Sean's hands on his hips, Dom's lips on his cock, and Billy's kisses pressed against his face.

"More, later," he murmured, before drifting into sleep.

**~ 2004 ~**

"Shit, it's freezing, Billy. Let's find a bar and get out of this wind."

"Just you wait," Billy said. "Button your coat if you're so cold."

"Button your coat," Dom mimicked, but he obeyed, turning the collar up as well. The wind pushed against them hard enough that they leaned forward into it, hair blowing into their eyes. Billy silently agreed with Dom; it was bitterly cold, but he was a man on a mission. He wished he had one of Pippin's scarves wrapped around his throat, thick enough to burrow in, but he hadn't expected Florence to be so bitterly cold in October, especially after such a hot summer.

"Sorry," he finally said.

Dom grinned at him. "Your nose is as red as a rose, Billy boy."

"Fuck off," Billy said, but he knew Dom was right. His nose did turn red in cold weather. He probably looked like Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer by now.

Dom tucked his arm through Billy's. "Cheer up, old man. We've the night ahead of us, and we're in Italy."

"Open my heart and you shall see," Billy started, and Dom finished with him, "Eeee-tahhh-leeeee." They grinned at each other.

"Sir Ian is a good influence on us, innee," Billy observed. Dom nodded. "Your nose is dripping," Billy added, but his was, too.

They wandered through the cobblestoned streets that opened into wide piazzas and then funneled into narrow passageways. Smells of coffee and pastry made Billy's stomach jump and Dom slow, but Billy tugged him on. "I'm serious," he said. "I really want you to see this."

"Then food? And drink?" Dom asked mournfully.

"Hot food. Hot drink. Promise."

They strode on. The cobblestone streets were nearly empty, the weather apparently having driven everyone with sense indoors. Truthfully, Billy was tired of walking, cold, hungry, thirsty, and afraid he was a bit lost. His pride and stubbornness refused to let him admit this to Dom, though. Who was younger than Billy anyway, Billy thought to himself, and so should have more stamina.

Billy could feel Dom watching him, even as they walked silently through the windswept streets. He rejoiced in that look. No one had ever looked at Billy like that before, and he doubted that anyone ever would again. Dom could find him anywhere. The minute he walked into a room, when he spotted Dom, Dom's eyes would already be on him. That peculiar gaze, its magnitude, seemed to carry an impelling force, as if between him and Dom there ran some secret subatomic charge tying them together no matter how distant they might be, drawing them ever closer.

He knew he was smiling to himself as he basked in the intensity of Dom's gaze, and he knew Dom would know why he was smiling. He pulled his hand from his pocket and slid it down Dom's arm until their hands joined. For the first time that evening, he felt warm.

"I missed you." At first, Billy though those were his words, his thoughts, but slowly he realized they were Dom's. He turned to smile at the man beside him.

"Missed you, too, Dom." More than his nose was red now, he knew; his entire face burned, from the wind and cold, yes, but also from the embarrassment he still suffered when he admitted to Dom how much he loved him. Overwhelming for a man like Billy, to feel so strongly; very atypical behavior, for he was very much a man of the cold Calvin north.

They crossed into the next piazza, where a forlorn fountain played, the water misting across them, carried by the wind. Leaves scuffled over the grey cobblestones, still damp from an afternoon rain. Billy slowed, almost ready to admit that he was lost, and stared around him. The fountain, a shabby dolphin ridden by a little boy pissing, sat to their left. To their right and slightly behind them was a pillar probably twice Billy's height, and atop it the statue of a man staring rather sternly at them. They were nearly surrounded by two- and three-story buildings, and everything was the same grey color of the cobblestones and the sky.

Dom looked at Billy, but didn't speak. Billy pursed his lips, scanning the area for a clue. He sighed. "Well, lad," he began, but then a ground-floor door swung open and the flickering light of candles spilled out onto the piazza. "Here we are," he said, trying to look as though he'd known all a long. Dom smiled but remained silent and followed Billy to the door.

"What is this place?" Dom whispered once inside. It was warm and Billy sighed again, but with relief. He'd found it.

"It's the Piccolo Cafe. I read it about it on the internet."

"You were on the internet?"

"I'm not Orlando, you know. I can, uh, surf."

Dom patted his back. "You're the best surfer of all the hobbits," he reassured him, but Billy could hear the smirk hiding in his voice. He looked at Dom and, to his pleasure, recognized yet again the steady gaze that Dom had turned on him so often in their public appearances. He smiled helplessly; that look always triggered a surge of such warm happiness in him that the coldest night couldn't chill his heart.

"Actually, this was for after."

"Aww, Bills, it's so nice in here. Can't it wait?"

"No, but it will take only a minute, all right? I know where we are now. It's just a bit further."

Dom shook like a dog, turned up his collar, and nodded. "All right then. Since you've got this nice place picked out for me. Let's go on."

Billy wanted to kiss right there in the cafe, restraining himself with difficulty. He nodded at the young server and held up one finger, hoping that would translate into Italian as "just a minute." Then they plunged back out into the evening and wind.

"Sheeee-yit," Dom said in his American accent, and Billy had to agree. The contrast between the cafe and the piazza was startling. He tucked his head down and slid an arm through Dom's and led him through the dark and rain-slicked streets.

"A church? Another bloody church? Billy, we've seen so many, and no offense to God and all His angels, but --"

"Hush." Billy smiled at him. "Let's go in. You can light a candle or two, and I'll show you something."

Dom sighed, much put upon, but he followed Billy through the heavy door into the cold interior. Billy was surprised at the number of candles burning; he'd been joking, but clearly lighting a candle was serious business here. Dom stood for a moment, and then walked over to a rack, slipping what looked to Billy like a good deal of money into a box, then lighting not one, not two, but nearly a dozen candles.

"Who are they for?" Billy whispered, coming to stand just behind Dom.

Dom used the long taper to point. "Lij. Sean. Vig. Ian. Pete. Frannie. Philippa." He continued lighting candles, saying as each wick flickered into flame, "Mum. Dad. Matt. Me gran." His eyes flickered toward Billy, who nodded. He lit another candle. "You. This one's for you, Billy."

Billy bowed his head. He wasn't a Catholic, but he was profoundly moved that Dom would light a candle for him. He'd watched Dom light enough candles that he knew what to do. He slid a euro into the slotted box, took the taper from Dom's fingers and lit a candle himself. "For you, Dominic."

He hadn't come into this church to light a candle, but the look on Dom's face made all the other reasons fade away. Dom glowed in the mellow trembling light, a slight smile curling his mobile mouth and creasing the tender skin around his eyes. "What did you want to show me, Bill?"

"Er, yeah. Just this." He led Dom deeper into the church, walking carefully over the uneven floor. "Look." He pointed down and ahead of them.

"What? I can't see."

"They're everywhere. Be careful," he added, grabbing Dom's arm. "Look at what you're trippin' over."

He and Dom stared down at their feet where, in a lumpy rectangle, an unnamed knight was buried, the bas relief of his body worn smooth by the centuries. "And over here." He tugged at Dom.

"Michelangelo," he said, disbelief coloring his voice.

"And Machiavelli," Billy told him. "And Galileo, and Dante, although I don't think he's actually buried here, and even Ghiberti."

"Who?"

"The guy who did the doors we saw yesterday. Doors of Heaven."

"All of them here?"

"Well, so they're claimin'," Billy said, his suspicious nature warring with his desire to believe the memorials on the floor and walls. "But I think so."

"Wow."

Billy watched as Dom wandered the church, staring at the floor. He'd meant this to be a gift, but hadn't been at all certain of the reception, but Dom's awe matched Billy's own when he'd first seen this church years ago. He'd been shocked to find all these historical figures collected in this, in his admittedly uneducated opinion, not particularly impressive church. A big grey dormitory for the dead, he'd thought at the time.

"Bill, this is amazing," Dom said, raising his head to smile at Billy.

"Glad you like it. Thought you might, but wasn't sure. Not our usual venue, eh?"

"No, not at all." He shook his head and wandered back to Billy. "What a day."

"From the profane to the sacred." Dom looked at him, puzzled. "You know," Billy explained, feeling himself blush. "At the hotel. What we did. And now here. Just."

Dom hugged him. "It's all the same, I think." He dropped his voice to a whisper, tickling Billy's ears. "From sex to saints. Honest, Billy. It's all sacred."

Billy shook his head, smiling helplessly yet again. Of course Dom would consider what they'd done in bed earlier that afternoon to be just as sacred as a centuries-old church.

Maybe he was right, he thought, following Dom's meander through the cold church. They could barely make out the frescoes on the right. "Painted by Giotto," Dom whispered. "Bill, we have to come back when it's light."

Billy nodded. They would. Somehow, seeing the church through Dom's eyes had changed it for him. He had thought that Dom would like seeing the graves of all these famous people, but hadn't given a thought to the paintings, architecture, and frescoes. He shook his head at his own ignorance. They would return, and Dom would glow in the morning light as well as in the candlelight.

"Come on," Billy said at last. "They close at half six, you know, and there's that nice caff to visit. I want a, a _cioccolata calda_."

"Maybe we can get them to add a tot of peppermint schnapps," Dom suggested, smiling brilliantly at him. "Sounds great."

"There's music, too," Billy added as they turned to leave. "Trip hop, if you can believe Google."

"Thanks, Bill," Dom said as they returned to the windy square. "Really. S'brilliant to be here, and with you, and all."

Billy smiled. After a few steps, he said, "So. Sex with me is sacred, yeah?"

**~ 2007 ~**

Billy's hand brushed Sean's with each step they took. Sean shivered in the humid LA heat, and from contact with Billy as well. He was glad to wear dark glasses and a Dodger's baseball cap tugged low, ostensibly to keep out the sun but also to hide. Billy was similarly dressed, except his baseball cap had the Anaheim Angels' logo embroidered on it.

Sean had to step aside, navigating through the crowded streets. "Why couldn't we just call out?" he complained.

Billy shook his head, pushing his sunglasses back up his nose. "It's not that far a walk, Sean. You Californians are going to forget how to use your feet if you don't walk a bit more. Vestigial organs, they'll become."

"Oh, fuck off. I ran a marathon, you know."

"When you were twenty."

"My point is my feet are fine. It's just hot and stupid to be out hiking in public like this." He paused and then added, "Maybe even dangerous."

"Ach." Billy sounded very Scots to Sean at that moment. "We're not going to be recognized, Seanie. And folk cannot look at us and tell what we've been doin'."

"You don't read the internet, do you," Sean grumbled, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. Billy smacked his elbow; Sean glanced behind him, trying to hide his smile from Billy and failing.

He wasn't as unhappy as he affected; rather, this was an old game between them. Sometimes he grew weary of it, and thought Billy did, too, but it was familiar and even comforting, to tease and be teased. Like when he'd kept track of how many times they'd been forced to put on their hobbit feet for no reason, or had fussed about safety issues.

The pleasure of the game was that Sean knew that Billy knew that Sean wasn't really that unhappy about their walk. Well, he was a little; it was hot and sticky and he was a little worried that they'd be spotted, but he knew neither of them was that big a star. Not stars at all, really. And maybe that was part of the problem as well -- that they really didn't need to be too worried.

They waited at a stop light, Sean wondering if Billy would tease him again about the little red hand glowing for "stop," or the little white man for "walk." He glanced at Billy and saw his lips had curled into smile, but he remained silent.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Sean said, and they laughed. Then the light changed and they surged into the street, weaving their way through the crowd, past an elderly woman using a walker, a tall skinny black man swathed in a heavy navy blue hooded sweatshirt, and a young woman walking three large dogs. Billy nudged him and nodded toward her; Sean saw she had tied plastic bags around each of the dogs' necks. One looked loaded. "You don't pick up dogshit in Scotland?" he murmured.

"Don't wear it like a fuckin' bow tie."

"Better than stepping on it and tracking it all over your home."

By then they'd reached their goal, a large Ralph's. "It's bloody freezin' in here," Billy said, crossing his arms almost the instant they entered.

"Feels great," Sean said. He started to remove his sunglasses, but pushed them back up his nose, glancing around.

"Christ, you're jumpy," Billy observed, grabbing a cart and tugging it from the rack. "So, what're we gettin'?"

"Ice cream," Sean said. "Apples. A pineapple."

"A pineapple?" Sean pointed at an enormous pyramid of pineapples. Billy nodded. "Yeah, good idea. But I need something a bit more substantial. Where's the beer?"

"Toward the back. Last call, so it'll stay cold."

"Cold beer. Christ. Well, you can get used to anything, or so I'm told."

They worked their way up and down the wide aisles, bickering quietly as they filled their cart. "I'm hungry," Billy said.

"Shit. Yeah, me, too," Sean said. "You wanna go out?" Billy paused, thinking; after a few steps more, Sean turned to watch him. They looked at each other and then Sean nodded. "Me, either. This is enough of an outing for today."

Billy smiled, his closed-mouth smile that Sean knew so well. He pushed the cart forward until he caught up with Sean, and they walked together. "Not easy, this," Billy said at last.

"No. But yes." Billy looked at him, still smiling. "I mean, being with you -- it's easy. It's the easiest thing in the world, Bill. It's everything else that's so hard."

"That's what I meant, daftie. Everything else."

"Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Everything else."

They rolled the cart in front of the beer, cool air surging over them as they studied the selection. "Fucking hell, but that's awful music," Sean murmured, and Billy laughed.

"Lij'd be bleeding at the ears," he agreed. "In fact, I think you are. What's this?" He lightly touched Sean's ear, tickling it, and then showed Sean his hand: a New Zealand coin imprinted with a kiwi sat in his palm.

"Wanker," Sean said softly, and blushed at the tone of his voice. Billy just grinned at him, his entire face creasing with pleasure, and then slid the coin into Sean's front pocket.

"Keep it secret, keep it safe," he whispered. Sean very nearly kissed him right there in Ralph's.

"Um, beer?" he said at last, and they returned to their task. "You drank all the Guinness in the minibar; do you want to restock with that?"

"I guess," Billy said. "Better'n that shite Dom drinks."

"Corona," Sean said, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, Guinness it is. Couple of six-packs?"

They staggered under the weight of their purchases and the heat when they finally left Ralph's to return to their hotel room. The sky was almost white with smog and humidity, the sun a thin disc burning straight overhead. As they waited at the light again, Sean said, "Do you miss her?"

"Christ, Sean." Billy sounded disgusted. "Do you? Miss your wife?"

The light changed and again they joined the crowd pushing across the street. "I'll see her in a few days. You're here for what, a month?"

Billy's flexible mouth, so charming when smiling, pulled into a tight thin line, and Sean felt guilty for saying the words. But he was more than curious; he wanted to validate his own fears and feelings. At last, Billy said, "It's different for me, I think. I was alone for so long, but you and Chris got married when you were just kids. She's a grand girl, you know that, and so beautiful."

"She is, Billy. She's the best, and I love her. That's why I ask."

"You always were good at guilt."

Sean nodded ruefully. "I get better at it every year, too."

"Yet here you are."

"Here I am."

They walked in silence. When the hotel entrance was in sight, Billy slowed, and then stopped. "I miss her, yeah. Like hell, like fuckin' hell. But Sean, when I'm not with you, I miss you just as much. And when I'm not with Lij, I miss him. And when I'm not with Dom." He stopped abruptly.

When he didn't speak again, Sean said, "I know what you mean. I think I do. Because here I am. When you call, I drop everything." He took a deep breath. "Chris knows. I never told her, but she's a smart woman. Smarter than I am, that's for sure. She packs my bag, kisses me goodbye, and here I am, not ten miles from where I live."

Billy nodded and started walking again. The doorman opened the glass doors for them, tipping his ornate hat, and the concierge looked up smiling as they passed her on their way to the elevators. Sean pulled out his keycard and slid it into the slot, then pressed the penthouse button.

They were alone in the elevator, sweat beaded on both their brows from their hike to the grocery store. Sean felt a bit foolish, bearing grocery bags into the hotel, but they had needed supplies, and food, and drink. They had needed to get out for a moment, to remind themselves where they were.

When they staggered into their suite, Billy set down his bags, took Sean's from him, and led him to the bed. It had been remade in their absence, so they fell on top of the white duvet, arms around each other. "Didn't we just do this?" Sean murmured, and was relieved to see Billy smile again in between kisses.

"I'm gonna blow you now," Billy told him, "and then I'll fuck you again."

"But it's my turn," Sean protested.

Billy kissed him quiet. "Are you seriously keeping track? You probably are taking notes, aren't you? Admit it, Astin." He began searching through Sean's pockets, pretending to search for his notes. "Let's see, I fucked you Friday, you fucked me twice on Saturday, what the hell did we do yesterday? And you already fucked me early this morning, remember? So yeah, twice today for me, because I want my cock up your arse again. What do you think about that, Senator?"

Sean shuddered at Billy's words. It was unlike him to be quite so blunt, but Sean loved it when he was. "I think you're all talk and no action."

Billy rolled Sean onto his back and climbed on top of him, sitting firmly over his groin. "I'll show you action."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Sean tried to say, but he was already lost in the sensation of Billy's weight on him, Billy's lips on his, Billy's hands reaching under his clothing.

Suddenly Billy stopped and pulled back, looking down at Sean. "Remember New Zealand, Sean? Do you remember?"

"I never forget, Bill. Not for a moment, not for a breath, not for a heartbeat." He knew what Billy meant. Prior to New Zealand, Sean's imagination couldn't encompass what he would do and who he would become after his years there. They stared at each other, and then Sean pulled Billy down to him, petting his head and back, kissing him sweetly. "It's all right, Billy. It'll always be all right. It's who we are now. We can't be anybody else."

He believed that, too, and he knew Billy did as well. It was who they were now. Sean had read an essay once about inside jokes. With his actor's memory, the final lines had always stayed with him: "Family jokes don't travel well; family stories have a limited audience. They are like the currency of a very tiny country, worthless in the larger world but precious in the rooms of love."

He liked that. Everything that had happened to them, that had shaped them into the people they were today, was secret; a limited audience of four men, while the larger world of their wives and all their friends and family remained outsiders. Only the four of them continued to live in a mythical country they called New Zealand but which existed only when they came together.

**~ 2011 ~**

"Ow," Dom said, lifting his foot to stare at the sole.

"Another splinter, Dommie?" Elijah called from where he was scrabbling in a tide pool.

"Fuck off, Elwood," Dom said, rubbing his foot. "Just stepped on a shell."

"You should wear your trainers," Sean told him, stepping carefully to his side. Dom slid his arm around Sean's waist. "That's why we wear the old ones, right?"

"Yes, Dad," Dom said, but kissed Sean's chin. "Just for that you can carry me around."

"I don't think my back'll take carrying you anymore. Besides, I've hauled your ass across beaches all over the world. Isn't it your turn to carry me?"

"But you're the one wearing trainers," Dom said reasonably. Sean sighed dramatically and bent to pick him up. "No, no, Seanie. We're too old for that rubbish now."

"Oh, now you've gone too far," Elijah said, standing up. "Bill, Dom just insulted Sean's age."

"Dominic, you will be punished," Billy said, looking up from his book. "You know precisely how much older than Sean I am."

"Yeah, but you never could carry me, and he used to -- oh!" he cried as Sean hefted Dom in a fireman's carry. "No, really, Sean; you'll hurt yourself."

"Sean Astin, you put that man down," Elijah said sharply, and to Dom's relief, Sean obeyed. "Christ on a crutch," Elijah said. Dom looked sympathetically at Sean; the older Elijah grew, the more he bossed Sean around. Well, all of them really, but Sean was the only one who listened.

Billy set down his book and sat up. "Lunch," he suggested as the others headed toward him.

Elijah sat next to him and rested his head on Billy's shoulder. "Good idea," he said, and yawned. "What a vacation."

"Brilliant, innit," Dom agreed, and leaned over to kiss Elijah. He thought Elijah tasted wonderful, like summer and beaches and surfing and happy times. He felt the weight of Billy and Sean's gaze on them as they kissed, supporting them, a comforting weight made up of their years together, all the things they'd done and said. Their presence had once been a gift in his life, but now it was as necessary as air.

He continued to kiss Elijah, even as Billy's chin brushed the top of his head. He felt Sean kneel behind him, and his arms go around him, so Sean leaned against him just as Elijah leaned against Billy, while he and Elijah kissed. Elijah's mouth was soft under his, his tongue sweet in his mouth. Dom raised his hand to cup Elijah's face, feeling the soft bristles of his thin beard that he persisted in trying to grow.

At last they sat back, smiling at each other. Sean kissed the back of his neck, so he turned his head to kiss Sean's mouth, and felt Elijah lean over him so the three of them were kissing, awkward and lewd, he supposed, but the beach was deserted except for the four of them.

When Dom opened his eyes, he saw Billy watching him, a slight smile on his face, his eyes pale green in the brilliant midday light. They stared at each other, Dom sinking into that almost meditative state that he often felt when caught by Billy, when kissed by Elijah, when held by Sean.

"Do you believe in angels?" he found himself asking.

Billy touched his nose. "Where's the sunblock?" he asked. "Me gran did. Used to tell me that my mum was an angel, watching over Margaret and me."

"But do you believe?"

"I do," Elijah said.

"You look like an angel," Sean said softly. "Your eyes, you know, and your skin."

"Do you, Sean?" Dom asked. "Believe in angels?"

"Define 'angels,'" he asked, and Dom thought how predictable that was.

"Supernatural beings. Like Billy's gran said. Watching over us."

Sean sighed and took Dom's hand, lifting it to his mouth to kiss. "Why?"

"I just feel --" but he had to stop, a bit embarrassed. What a big girl's blouse kind of moment this was for him. The others were watching him: Elijah's eyes enormous and, yes, angelic; Sean a bit concerned, his head tilted to one side; and Billy with his gentle smile that implied to Dom how much he understood Dom. "This is so impossible, and yet here we are."

Sean laughed, his eyes nearly hidden among all the wrinkles. "Billy and I have had that conversation many times. It is impossible. Completely, absolutely, utterly impossible." He stopped laughing and bit his lower lip, then leaned in to Dom and kissed him swiftly. "Yet here we are."

Sean still held one hand, and Elijah rested his hand on Dom's ankle, while Billy put his hands on Dom's shoulders. "Yet here we are," Billy repeated after Sean, and Elijah nodded energetically.

"It's always after," Elijah said, "but there's always more."

"Oh, now that makes sense."

"Shh, Dom. You know what he means."

Dom nodded, his face warm from the sun and moment. "Yeah, I do. Always after. And happily after, too."

Sean said, "I didn't think it would end this way, you know? Not this way at all."

"How else could it end?" Billy asked, and Dom listened carefully.

Sean shrugged, looking embarrassed; Elijah took his hand. "Just. You know. How we started out. Not like this."

"It's a good way to end," Elijah said, just as Dom said, "Are we ending? What's ending?"

Sean smiled at them both. "Good questions. And yeah, it's a good way to end, if it's ending. I just meant." He sighed. "I'm not sure."

"I know," Billy said, and Dom was certain he did. "Together. Even when we're apart, we're still together, after all these years. Not big stars, no entourage, not what we dreamt of, but . . ."

"Like Frodo and Sam," Elijah said sagely, nodding. "No matter that it took years and years, they still ended up together."

"I like that," Sean said.

Dom looked at Billy. "That it?" he asked.

"Ah, Dominic." Billy kissed him tenderly. "Sometimes I think you're right, and that we've always been together, and that we'll always be together, no matter how many times we die and come back. And sometimes I think, yeah, there are angels watching over us, and they guided us together.

"And sometimes I just think: This is the way the world was meant to be. Like gravity, or rainbows, or the tide coming in and out. Just a natural fact, like one of your bugs."

They laughed at that, even Dom, but he nodded. "Yeah," he said at last. "Together. Just like that."

Sean unwrapped a sandwich from the basket behind him and peered at it. "Avocado, tomato, and sprouts," he said. "I think there's egg salad, though, if anybody's interested."

"Gimme," Elijah said, and took half the sandwich, biting into it eagerly.

Dom watched them fondly. Sean had streaks of grey in his curly hair; Elijah's hair, too, glistened with an occasional silver strand. Poor Billy with his receding hairline and thinning hair; Dom had learnt not to tease him overmuch about that. Billy searched through the basket, bringing out a bottle of white wine and four plastic glasses. Dom took half a sandwich and stretched out, his head in Billy's lap. They had all day here on the beach. After a morning of lovemaking and teasing, he had an evening of the same to anticipate.

In the meantime, he'd eat a sandwich and sip at the wine, then swim a bit, remembering their surfing days from so long ago. Billy rested one hand in his hair, and Dom remembered all the times when Elijah's hand had rested there, lightly scratching his scalp. Sean held out a glass of wine, so Dom raised his head and sipped from it, laughing when he spilt a drop and Sean licked the splash from his chest. Elijah tugged at his toes, and Billy smiled down at him, a bit of mustard on the corner of his mouth.

No, this wasn't how he had thought it would end, either. He'd wanted great scripts, juicy roles, awards, and all the accoutrements that fame brought. Instead, he got friends for life and a new family. He took another sip of wine, Sean's outstretched hand cupping the glass carefully while Billy held his head and Elijah laughed from behind his sandwich.

It was a good trade, he thought, and reached up with his thumb to slick away the dab of mustard from Billy's face. Billy sucked his thumb into his mouth, biting gently, and Dom pulled him down so they could kiss. Elijah finished his sandwich and lay down next to Dom, draping one arm across his chest, while Sean seductively stroked his legs and thighs, reminding him of what they'd done that morning, and what they'd do that evening.

"Don't fall sleep on the beach," he heard Sean say, just before he drifted off, the taste of Billy and mustard still on his lips.

* * *

Posted May 31, 2007


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